Dear Reader

dear reader,

it may seem depressing to know, but this world is broken. there is pain and suffering and sadness and chaos and worry and anger and hurting. God surely did not intend it to be this way, but He allows suffering to happen because He's able to redeem. there may be lots we don't understand, and there is certainly a lot that we never will understand as to why we go through life hurting and struggling. And I can't tell you it'll all be okay, because it probably won't be. But please, praise Him through the struggle, even if that means repeating and believing that He is still good. And if the hurting continues, if the worry continues, if things don't improve when we want or how we want, He is still good. And He is working even though we can't see it in the midst. do not lost heart. there will be a day when Jesus comes.

please believe in the dark what you know to be true in the light.

love, cait

Haiku #2

let go of the angst
it will be good someday soon
so hold on to hope.



hoping today has been refreshing for all the readers of this messy blog,
love, cait

For Today

Today, God gave peace through the crevices of my mind and heart that I didn't even know existed. It doesn't mean I'm forever fine, and doesn't mean I've stopped worrying about plenty of things, but there was just simple peace given today.

I'm thankful for more of the little things:


For today:

• sitting in the warm sunshine even when the September breeze came through
• a drooling baby that laughs in my arms and eats grape after grape
• running three miles and walking back home by dusk listening to a playlist i call "be still my soul"
• eating a trader joe's salad in a random parking lot and listening to gregory alan isakov
• vanilla chai decaf with sugar and cream while driving in the night to see the brilliant moon appear again and again whenever the car changed direction
• peppermint toothpaste, clean skin and wet hair, fuzzy socks, and time to read books.

love, cait

Little Thanks

My brain is tired and a bit drained and today I was easily swayed and discouraged, but I'd just like to say the little things that I'm thankful for:

• smiling for the joy of singing in choir
• the striking inspiration to write 
• humming out melodies to colorful chords on the guitar
• eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream in the mid-day
• working through mathematical physics problems with a friend
• reading and reflecting through 2 Corinthians 3 + 4
• listening to william fitzsimmons in the car on the way home
• lighting lavender incense and spending time to journal 

"the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

~ 2 Corinthians 3:17 ~

love, cait

Rejoice, My Dear

I thought about this today:

Ron Weasley says to Harry in Divination class:

"You're gonna suffer...but you're gonna be happy about it."

I used to laugh at that, because Ron says it awkwardly and is in disbelief that there can be any good that comes from suffering. And I thought along the same lines as him.

But what he says is true. There's so much good that comes from suffering. I guess I'm finally beginning to see the full show in a front row seat.

When chaos comes in my head, and nothing seems to settle it sometimes, or life situations continue to change, become harder, or seem like they aren't making much progress, God is a giver of peace to the internal and external suffering. That's part of His being: Peace.

However, sometimes God doesn't provide peace right when we think we need it. He lets us hold out,  and has us endure the suffering for a little while longer until His timing comes in perfectly -- exposing Himself as the only One we need.

It's easy to run away from the suffering. From the pain, the struggles, the insecurities, and even the people we love, just to see who comes running after us. It's easier to crawl in a hole and avoid it altogether. But God calls us to rejoice while we suffer.

I get confused with this, because I think rejoicing is similar to happiness sometimes. I'll think that in order to rejoice through suffering, I need to smile, I need to laugh and be with good people and do good things and earn my grace. When really, I end up clinging to all the wrong things that substitute God's place in my heart. I'm wrong about rejoicing. I think when God calls us to rejoice through the struggles we endure, He wants us to run to Him believing He can deliver, forgive, comfort, and love.

I know that I consistently fail The Lord everyday, but His grace is sufficient enough to carry us home.

And so I just want to run rejoicing.


love, cait

Sunday Muse

a cup of tea and time.

just take time, take your time, let's take our time.

maybe all humans need is a nap in the sunshine.

and i'll try not to worry; God's got us.



love, cait

The Struggles

i'm in the midst of praising God for the struggles. it doesn't make them any less hard, and doesn't make them hurt any less, but it does give hope, because He'll redeem.

i know He will.

love, cait