dear reader,
I hope you're staying warm in this frigid degree weather. I think we can all agree that we want to crawl in our hibernation holes and not come out for awhile.
Maybe some of us don't want to hibernate only because of this arctic freeze. Maybe some of us want to crawl in a hole because of the messy, hard, hurting, busy, crazy, uncomfortable thing that is life.
It is mid-winter. It is the time of everything being cleared through and through down to the bare skin and bones - the trees that are leafless, the streets washed white from salt, the grass covered with snow, the mundane routine of life, the flatline feel, the apathetic heart, the numb mind, the color of grey. I was told once that this process of changing seasons is God's evidence. He brings winter upon us to wash-out everything and prepare it for new growth in the spring.
I guess I compare the bleakness of winter to God's faithfulness to mold us into who He wants us to become. And that is not a pretty, happy, comfortable process. The hardest pain we feel in this life can be God's season of winter within us. He's preparing us for better things come spring, greater things that we can't see yet.
Okay, so all of this "the best is yet to come" optimistic hullabaloo is all fine and dandy, but the thing is, I hate winter. I hate this process of Him stripping away the things we hold, stripping us to bare nothing, stripping us of the easy comforts and the things we build ourselves around. I hate to feel weak and out of control...but it's in this that I am a relying child again - needy of a Father.
God's season's can be long - months and months, maybe even a few years. I truly believe that right now in the life I live, God's gifted and graced me with goodness. Not like He hasn't graced me with goodness until now, but I believe that a certain long season of life has ended, and right now I'm steady with gratitude. Between school, people, music, opportunities, building new friendships, relationships, growth - there is this relief.
But I'm not resting. Shouldn't rest come with relief? Believing the hand of God is in this season of growth and goodness is with great gratitude, but I feel like it's too good to be true. Like I'm walking on ice, just waiting for it to crack.
Praising Him in and through the trial is one thing.
Praising Him in the steadiness and good is something totally different.
Maybe some think it's easy to praise in the good, and hard to praise in the pain.
I feel totally opposite - in the broken, messy, hurting of myself and the world and the situations and circumstances, I want to run to God and praise Him with my whole heart, holding to truth when all else is a lie.
But in praising in this steadiness that I'm at now, I'm figuring out what that all looks like.
Life isn't perfect, because what life is perfect?
I guess in the remembering of how faithful He is through pain, He is just as faithful and just as worthy of praise when I feel okay with where I am and who I'm with and what I'm doing.
I guess I just don't want to get too comfortable. And I want to live in what is now, take it in and enjoy it. Every bit of it. Without fear. Learning more so than ever, to trust.
When I feel afraid, this keeps popping in my head, "Perfect love casts out fear. His love is the only perfect love. His perfect love casts out my fear."
I hope we can become aware of our seasons that God puts us in. Whatever that may be, it's through that that maybe we can gain insight into ourselves. And that's a really scary thing - truly knowing yourself. But I'm trusting that it is good and important, and through the Holy Spirit, God works to fulfill His plan in each of us.
My prayer is the continual surrender of myself and all that I try to handle while living to Him who made all things and gives all things and controls all things in hope that He will accomplish all He plans.
"I have learned to accept it, even ask for it, this 'more than I can handle.' Because in these times, God shows Himself victorious. He reminds me that all of this life requires more of Him and less of me. God does give us more than we can handle. Not maliciously, but intentionally, in love, that Hid glory may be displayed, that we may have no doubt of who is in control, that people may see His grace and faithfulness shining through our lives." - Katie Davis
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