What if we walked day to day in awareness of the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus sent to live inside us, moving and working within our hearts to create us as closer, more willing, submitting, reliant children of God?
Recently, there's been a lot of learning of what it means to live a Spirit-driven life. An awareness of the Holy Spirit working and moving in my heart, and letting go of my own agenda to allow compelling desire to capture and grow my trust and reliance on my Maker.
In "letting go of my own agenda", for me, a lot of what I feel like I need to control is
time. Specifically what I do with my time and how I waste my time. But even more specifically: relationships, friendships, spending time with people, doing what I love, and being in fellowship.
I realize that I have a scary fear of losing the people I love. I guess we all do to an extent, but I've lost relationships suddenly and unexpectently in the past, and
I have the least amount of trust in God that He won't let it happen again.
I guess there is no guarantee that losing relationships won't happen, because our God gives and takes away.
And if He takes, still I will praise.
But I think I'm being challenged to the awareness of seeing that the people He's provided in my life are a gift, and that I'm in a continual process of giving my relationships over to Him
daily, trusting that He will take care of them, that I won't be left behind or alone or rejected or turned away.
Honestly, it gives me high anxiety just thinking about it.
"I hold tight and try to control, claiming all I have is mine."
It's not ours! None of these blessings on earth are ours to take. As scary as it is that none of it is ours, we have nothing, we
are nothing, it is humbling to see and know that all we have is a gift. Jesus is a gift. Grace is a gift. Relationships are a gift. And as we deserve nothing, are only dust, and as our lives are only a wisp of the wind in earth's timeline. . .we are
precious, beloved children.
As I worry in being left alone, losing people, I recite a truth I know in my heart:
"Leave to Your God to order and provide
in every change He faithful will remain."
God does not leave us or forsake us amidst the ever constant changing of this world.
song of the day: Be Still My Soul by Page CXVI
love, cait
