Sometimes, an amount of rain showering the earth from above is more glorious than any sunshine could ever bring.
It's raining, and it's been raining all day, and usually on days that it rains hard, and I mean hard, I'm inspired. Today was not once of those days, but it's okay.
I got to read books, and listen to music, and play guitar for about three hours. I also got to edit some footage and watch LOST and eat pasta with meatballs.
Some days are mediocre. Some days are awful. Some days it's better to feel emotion than to hold back tears or curse words or jealousy or selfishness or hate. Not at all am I saying it's better to hate than to love, but letting out emotion is better than holding it in.
I've been learning this lesson more and more, and learning what to do with anger and sadness from other people and the conflict within myself.
It all comes back to grace. God's unmerited favor.
No matter how awful I feel for feeling angry at someone else or sad about circumstance or frustrated that things aren't better, I learn that I can't earn God's love because it is already given in abundance.
Some times His abundance is easier to see than other times because it's bigger, but when God gives, He gives in abundance.
Whenever I fear not having control over a situation, whether it be providing time, or good conversation, or how I looked, or what someone thought of me, or how something played out, I am constantly trying to say, "Lord, I give it to you." Every time, every time, I have not been mistaken. The Lord gives when we give to Him.
My prayer this week has been to take a step into seeking God, and praying that He'll meet me. There's a matter of trust, and understanding, and hope, and knowing that I'll sin, but I'm trying hard to believe that God can change my ways and my faith in Him if I want Him badly enough.
"God can't steer a parked car."
love, cait
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