I'd like to say that this is not going to be a "looking back on this past year" post but... it is.
From January 1st, 2013, I don't even see the same person I am now, on December 31st. There's been a lot of empty spaces, and in those empty spaces there has been immense growth that fills. And back then, I thought the empty spaces were bad - but God was just showing me that He had work to do in my heart.
If there's one thing I've gotten to learn this year, it's brokenness. Smacked in the face. The depressing, terrible, awful aspects of life that come out of no where. They hit and challenge against your being, and all you can ask over and over and over again is "WHY?" I've seen it in the breaking lives of those I love, and in the crumbling cracks of myself.
Can I say something, though?
I've also seen God's redeeming purposes.
They are in the little healing moments of laughter and smiles and a two-armed, long, gentle hug. Voices in conversation, whispers in prayer, holding a hand to reassure the other that we'll make it through. Dancing in a field, running down a road, sitting on a mountain, gazing at a night sky. Strumming a guitar, hitting a tambourine. They are in the little healing moments of screaming in anger, sobbing and trying to say what's inside your exploding head. Silence. The act of shrinking away because of fear, the forgiveness of someone, the second chance of a friend, the unconditional consistent love God shows, even though our emotions sway.
God continues to break us, to make us. It's like we were already made, and now we're being remade. It's hard to believe that God is working everything together for His good when a lot of what we see is breaking, but there are too many blessings God gives to reassure us that there is goodness being made in each of us and through the beautiful mess of these fragile lives we live.
And with that,
love, cait
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