A Little Piece of LaRussell (Part 4)

The gate that leads out to the two back pastures on my grandparents property holds lots of secrets as well as some cattle. When the grass used to be higher, my grandpa used to mow a trail out and around the entire pasture where I would take the golf-cart out and drive the crazy route. This gate is closed most of the time, but I think opening it and seeing just how vast the wide open space of grass it holds opportunity and freedom.

~  ~  ~

A couple evenings ago, the light was perfect. 

I'd rather go barefoot and feel the ground beneath my toes. 

Summer's coming to an end; I can't deny it. I've gotten to journal these three summer months, and, reading back into those pages, so much has changed. So much has happened, so much has gone by. There's so much evidence in those words that God's worked tremendously in my heart, in relationships, in the people I love, and just over time. And though I'm fearing tomorrow, and what this fall will be, and everything I have to do and want to do and how much change just keeps happening and the world doesn't stop and wait for you to catch up and there are disappointments and high expectations and wishing things were better or different and there's pride and jealousy and anger and the question "why?" and how time just keeps going and doesn't slow down when you want it to and there's pressure to be a great person from all sides and how I just want to fix myself and others and then things don't seem to add up and how is there so much brokenness in the lives of so many people and within myself and how it's so much easier to avoid processing change and emotion and isolating yourself away from everything and everyone you love; 

There's also hope that Jesus can work through the change we feel, and He can fix what we can't, and He can give us strength to take it day by day, and how He's able to heal all that disappoints us and all that is broken. There's definition in the cross that forgives, and forgives, and forgives. I don't realize how much we're truly loved by Him through the grace he gives every single day when we fail. He can carry when our feet won't move forward, redeem all that's old, make things new, soften hearts, make us more like Him. I'm telling myself I believe in all He can do, and through that, He'll give opportunity and will provide time even though I fear. 

It's time to look up, praise our Creator, and hope things will be better in the new day.

love, caitlyn

song of the day: "Dust to Dust" - The Civil Wars