Time

It's crazy how much can happen in a week.
It's also crazy how much can change in a year.

It's ridiculous how time controls our lives. It dictates where we are, when, with whom, doing whatever. It helps us plan ahead, but probably also hinders in ways that I can't even try to explain. We have to be "on time" to events, occasions, get-togethers, meetings, school, church. Otherwise, we may miss out if we're late.

It's also ridiculous how much anxiety I have in fearing time. Fearing that time will slip away, fearing that there won't be enough time, fearing that God won't provide time, fearing that I won't be able to trust that God will provide time. That He won't provide time to be with other people, to be alone, to be with Him, to have good conversations, to laugh, to cry, to build relationships and friendships.

Recently, I've been fearing that the people in my life will leave. That they won't be here anymore, that I'll lose them, that they won't be close to me, or want to be close to me, and that the friendships I have will break suddenly. I've started to realize why I'm anxious like that, and I think it's because almost a year ago, I unexpectedly and suddenly, lost my dad through divorce. It was a prime example of a relationship that was lost quickly and unknowingly.

So then, because I fear losing people in my life, I fear having enough time with them. And fear that God won't provide time.

It's stupid. It's ridiculous. It's valid. It's true. It's a time-waster. It's in my head a lot more than I would like it to be.

And I am always proven wrong.

When I doubt, God never fails to show me that I was silly for not trusting that He would take control of a situation or conversation that I fear.

When we fix our eyes on our Creator, everything we worry about falls below.

Not saying that our anxieties will forever fall away, but when they come back again, I like to think that looking at the stars are God's promises that He will deliver us from our fears. Every time.

love, cait

song of the day: "Not the End" by Kel